Placebo: Soulmates Never Die: июля 2010

One

Scarlet Paige wasn’t ready for this. She sat cross-legged on her white bed, staring across at the white wall in front of her. Her eyes ventured left towards the small white-framed window, and she wondered how long now until she’d be out in colour once again. “I’m not sure how it all happened really, sir.”

“Just try your best.” The doctor in his white coat tapped his pen on the side of the clipboard he held tilted up just enough for prying eyes to be left disheartened, no clues as to their own life being given through the near- indecipherable words he’d scribbled there just moments before.

“I’m still so confused,” Scarlet muttered, turning to the window once more. The only way out was to talk, much to her dismay, yet she’d get through it. She was sure it’d be easier once it was all out anyway, and others could then piece together the fragments of her mind she’d not been able to fit within the realistic world. Her mouth quivered open, and then again, but no words were passing her chapped lips and filling the ears of the man sat across from her, his pen still tapping against the clipboard. The sound it was making was almost rhythmic now, and so things sounded weird once he’d stopped. His eyes burned into the side of her face as she sat there mute, refusing to meet his glance.

“If you can’t talk to us we can’t help you Scat-”

“Don’t call me that! I asked you not to call me that so don’t call me that!” Her sudden anger was nothing new, and so it came as no surprise to Scarlet when he didn’t flinch in the slightest at the dramatic raise of noise in the room. “Only…only he calls me that,” she whispered, bringing her knees up to her tiny chin.

“And who is he?” Never had he got a straight answer out of the girl before him. A simple question one would think, to enquire of the name of the one she refers to all too often. Her fingernails dug into her arms as she closed her eyes calmly, and her lips parted the tiniest amount.

“B-Brian Molko,” had finally made its way out as a stutter, neither of the two able to believe it. She heard the distinct sound of pen on paper as the doctor remained silent for a while, and she relaxed her hands before she tore right through her skin. “I’m ready to tell you everything.” The doctor was clearly not expecting her to say that, his eyebrow raised above the lens of his glasses a key sign of this.

“Everything?” he asked, hoping he’d heard her mumbled words correctly, and that she was to tell the truth this time.

“Everything.”

Two

It was another day. Yet another time the sun would rise and Scarlet would drag herself from her cosy bed to the bathroom, probably forgetting her towel and having to make the journey again. She washed her hair, got dressed, and did her makeup – the usual things one would do in the early hours of the morning before the day was to start. On her way down the hall she’d grab her bag and head back to her room, shoving yesterday’s homework in and zipping it back up. Always making sure to close her bedroom door as to keep her parents out, she’d make her way back down the hall and to the kitchen where a hot cup of coffee was sure to wake her up. There was no time for breakfast as she refused to wake 5 minutes earlier than she already had to, and so after her coffee she was out the door with her bag on her back. Such a mundane morning could never lead to an interesting afternoon she thought, but nobody’s right all the time.

Study was tedious, and the lectures were always long. There were ups and there were downs (quite often more of the latter than wished for), but freedom from thinking was always promised at the end of the day. Again it was raining, and again Scarlet had left her umbrella hanging from the coat stand as she left in the morning. People were waiting under the shelter just outside the hall, none of them with umbrellas, either. She huddled with them for a while but as the wind pierced through her coat and her very bones seemed to shiver, she left to find a better place to stay warm until the rain was gone. She was sure she’d hear it stop from inside.

Little engraved gold plates placed in the centre of every door indicated which rooms were what. Scarlet had no interest in most of them, as her course for Journalism was held in only a few different rooms. She’d always wondered why one of her classes was held in the Drama building, but didn’t press further with it. She knew it was just convenient to use large spare rooms elsewhere as opposed to using tiny rooms inadequate for a class of several hundred in the correct division of buildings. She thought about it as she walked down the building’s corridors, deciding it didn’t really matter anyway. Regardless of why, it always meant that for that one lesson a week she was to travel to the Drama building, she was to get lost. ‘Performance theatre 002’ labelled the door before her she’d stopped at, and she was lost once again in the building she’d spent hours of her life cursing for being so confusing. The door creaked open as she ran her fingertips over the engraved name on the little gold plate, causing her to freeze on the spot. What if she’d disturbed a class, she thought to herself, as she waited for the door to swing open further to reveal the theatre. Of the few people in there, no one turned their heads to glower at the young woman making all the noise at the door. Feeling rude for interrupting the seemingly uninterrupted small crowd, she thought it only polite to sit down and watch as 2 people performed something she didn’t recognise on stage. She unconsciously dug her nails into the side of the chair as she sat, the chair being much more comfortable than it looked. From the back of the theatre she could make out a petite girl with blonde hair and a rather shrill voice as she screamed with everything she had at the man facing her. She imagined he’d be cringing beneath his mask at the tone of her voice, and felt a little sorry for him having to act with such a horrid girl.

“She’s just awful, isn’t she?” A whisper came from Scarlet’s left and she jumped a little in her seat, turning to the gentleman who’d disturbed her from nothing all that grand, she had to admit. She hadn’t seen him sitting in the dark.

“Quite,” she whispered back. She meant to say more. She meant to comment on the colours of the background props not going too well with the actor’s attire, and the stage lights only working on one half of the stage so it would seem. She meant to say so much more as to not sound a ditz, but the 2 large emerald eyes before her captivated her, and forming words seemed impossible whilst they were still staring back into her own.

“I’m Brian,” the man said softly, extending his hand. His fingernails were black.

“Scarlet,” she replied, going to shake his hand. He pulled it away too soon for her to reach him and with a sly little smirk placed a kiss on her cheek instead. She turned her head as the warmth of his lips seemed to spread right across her face, worried that he’d see her glowing red.

“You’re not usually in this class,” Brian commented, looking her up and down once quickly. His focus stuck on her hair. He’d definitely remember a girl with such bright red hair being in his class, he thought, returning his gaze to her own.

“Well if you are then shouldn’t you be down there with them?” Scarlet gestured towards the small crowd at the front with a slight nod of her head.

“I was late, so I thought it better not to disturb them. Little did I know that a young lady would come and do that anyway,” he said, smirking across at her. Scarlet blushed again as she knew he was talking about her. They didn’t seem that disturbed by her entry, she’d thought. Perhaps he was just being cruel. She was about to explain but the touch of his fingertips on her hand paralysed her. He pried her fingers from the seat and placed her hand gently on her lap, her only then realising she’d been gripping it tighter and tighter since she’d sat down. “You’ll break your pretty little nails off if you keep doing that.”

“It’s a nervous habit,” she explained without thinking.

“What’s there to be nervous about, hun? Me? Hah.” Brian scoffed and looked away for an instant, Scarlet taking the opportunity to look him over once more. His shirt was coming undone at the collar and a loose thread hung from the corner. He turned back to face her again, his eyes glowing with something she didn’t recognise. As his face got closer his lips parted just slightly, enough for words to escape in low whispers. “You see if I did this, you’d have something to be nervous about.” She felt his hand on her knee, and then slapped it away as it began to rise up her leg.

“You pervert,” she hissed, getting up to escape who on first impressions she never thought would turn out to be such a horrid man. Disturbing the class suddenly didn’t seem like such a bad idea, when compared to enduring it with Brian. The door opened with a creak once more as she left in a hurry, another set of footsteps close behind hers as she made her way through the corridors. She continued to hurry even after she knew she was lost, and his footsteps continued to follow hers. He called her name a few times along with a string of apologies and as Scarlet reached a dead end, she knew she’d have to face him. “What the fuck is your problem?” she said rather loudly to the man now only a few feet away from her once more.

“I was just joking. I’m sorry! I didn’t know you weren’t like that, just with the hair and the perfume I assumed you were a little more…relaxed about such jokes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she snapped. Her hands were on her hips and it made Brian nervous. She was pissed, and he hadn’t the patience for it. He hadn’t quite intended it that way. In a quiet room with a few substances running through their systems then maybe, he thought, but she clearly wasn’t that sort of girl.

“I just assumed that with the bright hair and the perfume you’d be the…outgoing sort of girl, if you catch my drift.” She clearly didn’t as she stood across from him with the same enraged look stuck on her face. He couldn’t get the former scenario off of his mind as he watched her bite her lip in what he assumed to be annoyance but imagined to be bliss.

“You don’t know the first thing about me,” she said, then passed him in the corridor and went to find the way out.

“Perhaps I could find out!?” Brian yelled after the girl, and she stopped and turned where she was. “I mean, coffee on me is the least I can do to make up for my deplorable behaviour.”

“You can shove your coffee up your ass,” she replied coldly, turning to leave once more.

Three

Brian woke up with the sun glaring in his eyes and sat up in bed. He wasn’t sure whose bed it was exactly, but he didn’t care. He glanced back at the brunette sprawled out on the other side of the mattress. She wasn’t half bad, he thought, as he lost himself in the curves of her body for just a while. He ripped his gaze from her to dress, suddenly aware of his surroundings. Anyone could walk in, and he didn’t want that. He’d need at least 2 cups of coffee before he was capable of conversation, not that he intended to involve himself in much at the present moment. He grabbed his fluffy white jacket from its place on the floor before leaving as quietly as possible. The pretty brunette would wake hours later. Her heart would ache a little, but she’d never shed a tear for the boy with the emerald eyes she’d never see again, if he could help it.

It was on his way home that Brian realised he was supposed to be at university in a class over an hour ago. He couldn’t find the energy within himself to even shrug as he realised he just didn’t care. It felt too early, although it wasn’t, and all he wished to do was get home and sleep through the headache last night’s antics had achieved. With his head down low he marched on down the street, through the city, and back to his little apartment. Nick would probably be there, which brought him a little comfort. At least he’d not have to be alone. He felt his shoulder hit something hard as he walked and glanced sideways to see the outline of a person passing beside him. “Sorry,” was quietly mumbled from his lips without being meant as he continued to walk, clutching his jacket a little tighter.

“Ohh hey, are you alright?” came the voice of who he assumed to be the person he’d just walked into.

“Just dandy, thanks,” Brian replied. He could feel their presence slightly behind him, then felt a small hand on his shoulder as he refused to stop walking.

“No, seriously. You don’t look too good…” Brian turned to flash the stranger the best fake smile he could pull, changing his mind as he saw who it was. The girl he’d pissed off just the other day was standing there with her hand on his shoulder, her face full of genuine concern quickly turning to one of confusion.

“Well…it’s just…after you broke my heart the other day I’ve been lost, wandering the streets for someone to understand…” He looked down to the floor for added effect on his bullshit.

“You can’t pull that crap on me…it was Brian, wasn’t it?” She could vaguely recall the name of the creep she’d come across just recently, still not believing she’d stopped not only to talk to him, but to ask if he was okay. Brian’s lips curved at the realisation that she’d remembered him, if only just.

“And you were Charlotte? Sharon?” Her face dropped a little, but he’d seen it. He knew her name, and wasn’t sure why he wished to demoralise her so.

“Scarlet,” she corrected him, unsure as to why it’d hurt that he didn’t even remember her name. Perhaps because she remembered his, if only for all the wrong reasons.

“What are you doing here, you should be in class,” Brian told her, trying his very best to sound taller than her.

“So should you,” she shot back. He’d forgotten about that, and it made his statement sound stupid. He was usually quite the charismatic individual, but he was lost around her. She’d taken away his power to manipulate a conversation to make himself seem better than he was.

“Well it was just lovely bumping into you again darl,” Brian said softly. “Once again I feel like an ass in your presence.”

“Perhaps because you are actually being one?” she offered and crossed her arms over her chest, a sign Brian rather disliked. He chuckled lightly at her tone.

“Ohh please, you don’t know me in the slightest hun. Don’t you dare make assumptions about me.”

“Well now you know how it feels.” And it was true, he did. Brian realised at that moment that he was in fact being an ass to her. Scarlet watched his face as he tried to think of something to say, but no words came out. He simply sighed and continued to walk along the side of the street. It was quiet for the middle of the afternoon. Scarlet was now running even later to class. The look in his eyes concerned her as he lifted his head once to glance at her as he passed, but she had no reason to care. So why did she care, she thought. “Hey, we never got around to getting that coffee,” she called after him as he continued to walk, and didn’t stop as her voice was carried through the wind to his ears. She would only shut him down again, he thought. She’d make a fool of him, and he didn’t need that. Not today. Scarlet’s face dropped as Brian turned the corner and disappeared from her sight. Although she felt responsible for the look in his eyes, she couldn’t help but think something else was running through the mind behind them.

Four

It was the weekend at last, and Scarlet was staring at the ceiling from her place on her bed with nothing to do. She didn’t tend to keep a lot of friends and those she had were either out, or working. A sigh escaped her lips with horrible timing as her sister walked past her bedroom, stopping and standing in the doorway.

“Why are you still in your pyjamas?” she scoffed, taking a look around her room. “You live like a pig.”

“Piss off Kendal,” she said softly, closing her eyes. “I’m not in the mood.”

“You need to get out more. I’ve not seen you around people in at least a month. Are you allergic to conversation?”

“I said piss off.”

“You’re certainly the friendly one today, aren’t you?” A bitter smile formed on Kendal’s lips. “That’s why he left you, you know. Daniel, I mean. He told me. He always said you were far too unkind.”

“He told you nothing of the sort.” She hated the little games her sister would play. It seemed nothing amused her more than to see her younger sister in tears.

“I suggest you get out of here before he comes around.” Scarlet sprang up at that.

“What?”

“I said I suggest you leave before he gets here, dumbass.”

“Why would he be coming here?”

“We’re having a movie marathon. He finally asked me out, can you believe it!? I’d ask if you wanted to join, but he said he wants it to be just us.” She winked and turned on her heel, leaving Scarlet feeling hurt and confused. She always knew he had a thing for Kendal, but never thought he’d act upon it. Their breakup was far from friendly, and the thought of having to see him around scared her. The thought of having to see him around with her sister was too hard to comprehend. Going out suddenly seemed a great idea.

The table in the corner of the café was only dimly lit, which was perfect for Scarlet. Her eyes could barely read the words of the magazine she held in front of her through the tears they contained, but she refused to put it down and show her face to the world. Once more she brought her hand up to wipe her face with the sleeve of her jacket. Sat across from her was Brian, still unable to lift himself from his seat to ask her what she’d asked him once before. He’d only meant to stop for a quick coffee then head to his mate’s place to jam, but he couldn’t tear his eyes from her form. She’d been hunched over in the corner for what seemed hours, and perhaps was, for Brian didn’t know how long he’d been staring for. He watched as she started crying uncontrollably once more and decided he had to say something. Perhaps hating upon him would brighten her mood, he thought, smiling at the pleasant boy within himself.

“Hey, are you alright?” He found the chair across from her and sat without an invitation, waiting for a reply. Still nothing passed her lips but gentle sobs. He pulled the top of the magazine down from her face to force her to at least look at him, and she wasn’t glaring at him as he’d half expected. The sullen look in her eyes concerned Brian, and he found himself wishing harm upon whoever had caused it. “It can’t be that bad, surely. Come on, let it all out. We’ll probably never meet again. The chances of randomly bumping into each other a fourth time are so small.” Scarlet wiped the tears from her eyes once more, trying to steady herself before she spoke.

“I’m too unkind,” she said in a whisper, looking down at her empty cup.

“You’re not unkind,” Brian disagreed, “Perhaps just a little cruel at times.”

“How can you possibly say that? I’ve been nothing but horrible to you since we met.” Brian thought for a moment why he’d said it. He wondered why he was across from a crying girl attempting to comfort her if she’d only made him feel worse about himself a few days back, coming to realise that there must be some good in her that he’d seen somewhere. Either that, or he was a fool. Either was quite possible.

“You were nice at first…before I turned into a pervert, as you put it. Really nice.”

“I thought you seemed a decent guy at first,” she said. “But you’re just like the rest, perhaps worse because you’re so forward.”

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Well you did.”

“I said sorry…” Brian didn’t know what else to do. Here he was apologising for something he didn’t believe was entirely his fault, and she was being cold once more. At least she’d stopped crying. “You know what, forget it…” He got up and left the café, giving up on the girl he’d thought was perhaps worth his time. They never were. He heard heavy footsteps behind him as he walked away, and was once again stopped by the girl he was once again angry with. “What!?” he said a little too loud, startling her.

“I wanted to say sorry but you know what? Fuck you!”

“You wish hun, you wish,” Brian scoffed, narrowing his eyes a little.

“In your goddamn dreams you perverted fuck…”

“At least in my dreams you’d not be a moody bitch!”

“Says you of all!” They were screaming across at one another now, causing a bit of a scene.

“Goodbye sweetheart, I’m over this.” Brian turned and headed off up the street, followed closely by Scarlet.

“I’m not finished here,” she continued to rant. “Its boys like you that fuck it up for the rest! You think you can have any girl you want with the snap of your fingers. Then you just let them go in the blink of an eye.” Tears began streaming down her cheeks, and her voice was trembling with each word she spoke. “You don’t realise how much you hurt us, and how hard it is to go on afterwards…and you don’t know how much it still hurts to see you smiling as I’m unable to…” Her voice was but a whisper now as Brian had stopped walking and had turned to face the girl breaking down before him.

“This isn’t about me, is it…” She continued to sob before him as he stood watching her take in uneven breaths and let them out hoarsely. He sighed and relaxed himself before stepping forward to hug the shaking girl before him, her arms wrapping around him in return almost straight away. He could feel her tears through his shirt, which made him pull her in closer. He hated that she’d compared him to whoever had done this to her and as he thought back to the crying faces of the many girls he’d had his way with, he hated that it was a correct comparison to make.

Five

“Really, there’s no need for this,” Scarlet said once again, but Brian insisted.

“I wanna make sure you get home safe. You were in quite a state just before…” He felt for the poor girl beside him as he walked her to her house. He hadn’t seen someone so upset in such a long time. He was always one to run from situations with tears involved, but this time was different. He felt like somewhat of a better person just being beside this young girl in a time of need. He felt useful.

“Well umm, this is my house here,” she said, stopping by the fourth house on the street. “Do you wanna come in for a drink or something?” She didn’t much feel like company, but was afraid to go in alone. What if Daniel was still there?

“Uhh, sure…” Brian followed her inside, closing the door softly behind him as he entered. She led him to the kitchen and poured them both some milk before she began to unconsciously pace the room. Brian watched her walk past him for about the fifteenth time before he put his hands on her shoulders to stop her in her tracks. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He could see her biting her lip, and sensed more tears were soon to flow from her bright eyes. He would have pressed further if they hadn’t have been interrupted.

“Who’s this?” came Kendal’s voice from the doorway as she walked in and began to raid the fridge.

“None of your damn business,” Scarlet replied. “That cheese is mouldy.” Kendal groaned in disapproval at it as she dropped it into the kitchen sink.

“I’m pretty sure I live here so actually, it is my damn business. Who the fuck are you?” She was looking at Brian now. He hated how familiar she appeared to him.

“Brian.” Her lips parted the slightest bit as she continued to stare at Brian, and he became more uncomfortable each moment as the silence grew longer.

“Ohh…okay.” She finally spoke, and then she was gone.

“What was that about?” Scarlet asked, receiving no reply. “Brian?”

“Nothing. I should go.”

“Ohh, well…thanks for everything.” She followed him to the front door to see him out.

“Seeya, sweet.” He nodded his head in her direction once then turned to leave. Scarlet noted how he appeared to be near-running as he made his way down the street. Brian couldn’t believe it. Was there anyone he hadn’t slept with in this damn town!? He mentally slapped himself for not realising the shrub in their front garden was the same one he’d tripped on that had caused him to scrape his elbows on the road those many months ago. To be fair, he was pretty high back then. His blood was probably still there.

“Brian you idiot,” he whispered, running his hands through his hair. She’d seemed so nice he thought to himself, she’d seemed so good. He slipped his hands into his pockets, only to remember why he felt no slip of paper with her phone number on it. He hadn’t even asked.

“He’s way out of your league.” Scarlet jumped as she heard her sister’s voice from somewhere behind her. “He’d never like you.”

“Who says I want him? He’s just some guy-”

“Don’t act daft, Scarlet. He’s bloody gorgeous and you want him.”

“He’s not really that-”

“You know what, fuck you! You can have him for all I care. Daniel will soon be in love with me and that’s all that matters, you little bitch.”

“What the hell is your problem!?” Scarlet found the last of her dying spirit and directed it towards her sister. “You’re just jealous because for once, a guy entered this house and didn’t fall all over you!”

“Ohh please, you saw the look he was giving me…”

“You never used to be this way,” Scarlet whispered, turning back away. “You used to be nice.”

“People change. It seems so will you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I hope he breaks you,” she spat in the same bitter tone. Kendal smiled softly as she thought back to her naïve self. “Why should you be different to the rest…”

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